Those Damn Fangirls
by browneyes024
Summary: COLLABORATION WITH  TVD FFN NIN . What happens when two overly obsessed fangirls decide to kidnap none other than Ron Weasley and Damon Salvatore? Well read the story and you'll find out! Rated M for langue and vivid innuendos.
1. The Kidnapping of Ronald Weasley

**A/N: First and foremost, I would like to say that we are not crazy. If Ron Weasley and Damon Salvatore existed, we would probably not attempt most of the context of this story. (No promises) This story is a collaboration with my good friend Krystal (_TVD_FFN_NIN_). Again I would like to point out that we are not crazy (okay maybe a little) we are just overly creative. Read/review/enjoy! **

**The Kidnapping of Ronald Weasley**

This was the longest block in the history of blocks. Half a mile my arse. My future was in a diner stuffing his face and only a block away. I reached into my pocket to make sure my precious love potion was still there. I had worked way too hard to lose it now. It was as difficult for a muggle to get a hold of potion as it was for a camel to walk through the eye of a needle, but I had done it.

I was now standing in front of the Pumpkin Slap Café. I stepped in and scoped the area. My eyes were looking for one certain red-head. To my great relief, Ronald Weasley was still waiting for his food. I crossed the room, went through the "employees only" door, and entered the kitchen. I was hoping it would be empty which, now that I think about, was a stupid thing to plan on. Right in front of me was a middle-aged blonde woman, leaning over the counter. I decided to back out before she saw me.

"Who are you?" _Busted._

"I work here." _Oh very clever Rose._

"No you don't! Get the hell out of my kitchen!"

I panicked. I grabbed the first thing within my reach, a frying pan, and hit her across the head with it. She was out cold. _Now what? _I quickly surveyed the room, looking for somewhere to hide her. After little consideration, I stuffed her in the giant freezer. _Okay, now on to Ron. _

"Is the Weasley order ready yet?" I spun around as fast as I could. Standing behind me was a very angry looking waitress. Thank God I had locked the freezer already.

"Yeah it's ready, I think." I looked around the kitchen and spotted the plate of food I assumed was for Ron.

"Are you the new girl?" _Okay. You can do this._

"Yup, that's me." _Good work._

"Well then would you mind hurrying the hell up? We have some hungry people out there. Now just give me the order so I can be on my way."

"No!" _Oh crap. She's giving me a look. Make something up, quick! _"I'll take it to him."

"Suit yourself. I'm taking five." _Okay she's gone. _

I made my way over to the plate of food on the counter. I quickly potioned it and left the kitchen. It was unbelievably hard not to run over to him. He is so sexy. I just want to wrap him up and put him in my pocket. Soon, very soon, he would be all mine.

"Here you are sir."

"Thank you." _Good he's eating._ "That'll be all." _Right. Walk away slowly. It won't be long until… _

"Hey wait!" _Bingo._ "I love you." _Wow. I've been waiting my entire life to hear_ _that. Oh my Merlin, he's going to kiss me. Wait, what if I'm a bad kisser? Our lips are about to touch._

"Oh my God!" That had to be the most bloodcurdling scream I'd ever heard, and it was coming loud and proud from the kitchen.

"Come on. We have to leave."

"But I haven't finished eating yet."

"But I really want to go." _Sound as desperate as possible. We need to get out of_ _here before that woman sees me._

"Okay, we'll leave." _Good._ I took his hand and we promptly went out the door.

"Hey you, new girl!" _Busted again._

"Run!" With Ron at my side, we hightailed it the hell out of there. When I looked over my shoulder, I realized that half the café was following us. "Can you apparate?"

"Of course I can love." _He called me love!_

"Then get us the hell out of here!"

Apparating felt weird. It was like making out with a guy, and then finding out he'd your cousin. You get really dizzy and then feel like you're gonna be sick. I was extremely grateful when my feet touched ground. That was the longest three seconds of my life. But when I remembered who was holding my hand, everything was all better again.

**A/N: Next up…..The Kidnapping of Damon Salvatore! **


	2. The Kidnapping of Damon Salvatore

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been reading this story and has gotten this far. I trust you are well entertained. Read/review/enjoy!**

**The Kidnapping of Damon Salvatore**

Here I stand, directly in front of the Salvatore boarding house, vervain in hand. Well, not exactly in hand, more like in my messenger bag; same difference.

I'm nearly 99.9% sure that he knew I was outside, having heard my heartbeat.

How can one hear a heartbeat all the way from inside? Well, it's not by being human, let me tell you.

Damon Salvatore is a vampire. A very, very attractive vampire. A very, very attractive vampire that I was going to kidnap.

How do you kidnap a strong, powerful vampire? Well, that's where the vervain comes into play.

You see, vervain is an herb that weakens vampires, and by injecting some into Damon's system, it'll put him to sleep long enough for me to get him where I want him.

I took a deep, calming breath to get rid of any leftover nerves, and started for the large door.

I knocked three times and waited.

Nope, nothing.

So, this time, I knocked harder and waited.

Still, nothing.

I worried that if he thought I knew who he was, he wouldn't let me come inside, so I decided to play the damsel in distress.

"Hello? Is anyone home? I really need to use a phone. Please," I used my most needy voice, all the while rolling my eyes.

The next thing I knew, the door was open enough to see the sexiest face in the history of the universe.

"Can I help you?" His voice sounded like heaven and hell together; how the hell does that happen?

"Actually, yes. Would you mind if I used your phone? My friend and I were hanging out in the woods, and she said she'd be right back, but it's been, like, an hour. And my cell is dead. Your house is the first I saw." My voice sounded rushed and panicked.

I swear to Katherine, I thought I saw a flash of pity in his eyes.

_OMK!_ Damon Salvatore, the Sexiest Beast I Know, almost pities me.

He stepped aside, a silent invitation, to let me in.

I did a little fan-girl scream inside of my mind and walked inside, purposely tripping over my own feet just so he would catch me, which he did. That's right, I pulled a Bella Swan.

_Le sigh. He's touching me._ I thought to myself.

All too soon, I was standing tall again, and he fixed me with 'The Look.'

You know the 'I'm Onto You' look.

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm clumsier today than most. So, um, where's your phone?"

He still stared at me with that look, but turned around and headed to what I assumed was the parlor and said, "Right this way. Come on."

He didn't have to tell me twice.

Along the way, I stared at his ass.

_Could an ass be perfect? _I stared at it more intensely. _…Yeah, I think it can. His is._

I heard a cough coming from in front of me and looked up.

Damon was staring at me, his hypnotizing eyes glittering with amusement, his irresistible smirk set in place.

Apparently, I'd been caught ogling his ass. Eh, it was well worth it.

He pointed to my left. "Phone's right there. I'll be back in just a moment. I need to speak with my brother."

I nodded dumbly as he walked away.

_Stefan is here, too? _I pinched myself.

"Ow," I whined, rubbing the area on my forearm that I'd pinched.

Realizing that this was my chance, I reached inside of my messenger bag and grabbed a vervain dart and started in the opposite direction Damon had gone.

I'd only taken a few steps before bumping into a very solid figure. Looking up, I saw that it was Stefan Salvatore.

Being the psychotic idiot I am, I smiled widely and reached out with my free hand, and poked him square in the chest.

He looked torn between confusion and amusement.

"May I help you? I'm sorry, I'm Stefan. And you are?"

I shushed him and put my index finger to his lips.

"I'm going to kidnap Damon, ergo giving you and Elena time to yourselves, 'kay?"

His eyes widened. "What? Who are you? What do you want with Damon? How do you know about Elena? Where—."

He was cut off as I stabbed him in the gut with the vervain dart I'd been holding.

"Damon is right. Animal blood _does_ make you really weak." I laughed as he fell to the floor.

One Salvatore down, one to go.

Just as I went to reach in my bag, I felt the infamous 'swish!' of air, alerting me that Damon was in the room.

"What in the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

Ugh! He sounds even hotter when he's angry.

It was my turn to smirk. "Oh, this? It's just my way of giving Elena and Stefan some _alone_ time without you around. Good plan, right?"

His face contorted; his fangs bared, veins protruding under his eyes.

I groaned. This was not helping me concentrate on the plan.

Suddenly I was pressed against the wall, his hand around my neck.

"Damon, you aren't making this any easier for me."

His response was a growl.

"Okay, now I know you're just doing this on purpose. The fangs, the growling, ugh! You know, sometimes I really hate my raging teenage hormones."

All the while I was talking; I had reached into my bag and grabbed two vervain darts, and before he knew what was happening, I had stabbed him on both sides of his body.

His grip on my neck loosened, and he slumped forward onto me.

The last thing he did before succumbing to rest was mumble 'you crazy bitch'.

"Eh, I've been called worse. Now, come on, Mr. Salvatore, I believe we need to get going," I said as I reached under his arms and began dragging him out of the house.

**A/N: Yeah so we're a **_**little**_** crazy. Don't judge or I'll hit you with my frying pan! Lol. **


	3. Authors Note

**A/N: Okay so just to clear things up I am Ron's abductor and my best friend Krystal is the one kidnapping Damon. She does obsess over him in real life as do I obsess over Ron. We came up with the idea to kidnap them and here we are with a fanfiction. And just for the record, this isn't the strangest thing we've ever come up with. We're weird, but we have fun. **


	4. Trapped

**A/N: So here it is, the next chapter in the escapade of awesomeness that is this story. Read/Review/Enjoy!**

**Trapped **

"Alohomora! Damn it! Alohomora! Damn it!"

_Shit. What the fuck happened? Where am I? And who is the hell is making all that noise? _I groaned as I tried to sit up, my head feeling like it was on fire. It didn't help that some random red-head was yelling inaudible Latin at the wall like his life depended on it.

"Could you be any fucking louder? Who the hell are you?" I asked. He jumped. He must have forgotten I was there.

"Um, Ron Weasley."

"The wizard?"

"Yup." _Why me?_

"What the fuck happened to me? Where the hell are we?"

"Bloody hell if I know. Some crazy fangirl gave me a love potion. It wasn't very strong so it wore off, but then the bloody bitch hit me across the head with a frying pan and stuffed me in here. Alohomora! Damn it!"

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to open the door!"

"Have you, I don't know, tried the handle," I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"It's locked."

"Oh yeah because you're only a wizard and you only have magical powers."

"They took my wand."

"You let them take your wand?"

"Says the vampire who's been unconscious for the last three hours."

"Touché. You know who I am?"

"Yup. You're from Mystic Falls, right? Alohomora! Damn it! I heard some girls talking about you."

"Vervain chick." It was all coming back to me. I had been stabbed by something. It must have been laced with vervain. That would explain everything. But just who exactly was this girl, and how did she know about me? She was human, I was sure. An explanation for that would be nice, but more importantly, I needed blood and fast. My only option wasn't perfect, but he'd have to do.

"Hold still."

"Why?"

"I'm going to suck your blood."

"What? No!"

"Don't fight me fire crotch."

"Stand back or I'll make you sorry." He threatened meekly.

"You and what wand?"

"Bloody hell."

"Exactly." And with that said, I bit down on his neck.

His blood tasted disgusting. Wizard blood was terrible. I avoided it when I could. I only took what I needed. I didn't want any more of that blood in my veins than necessary. It was worse than the squirrel diet my brother kept.

"See not so bad." I couldn't help but notice the obvious bulge in his pants. I smirked.

"I just want to make something very clear, I am not gay." He stated, blushing scarlet.

"It's okay. I have that effect on people; men and woman alike." I extended my hand. "Damon Salvatore."

"Pleasure." _Oh the irony. _"What now?"

"That's easy. We break out."

"How?"

"We make a plan, duh." _He really was as thick as they say._

"I tried. There's no way out."

"You've tried. I haven't."

"Alright Mr. Perfect, let's hear your ideas then."

"Now we're getting somewhere." I smirked.

**A/N: The next chapter will be posted later this week. Trust me, it's worth waiting for. **


	5. The Escape

**A/N: So here we are, the last chapter. Love it or hate it please review it. It will make my day (no really it will). **

**The Escape**

"Close your mouth; you're gaping like a fish."

I couldn't help it. This was absolutely the worst idea in the history of ideas. Maybe even before that. There was no way in hell I was going to pretend to have sex with him. He may take pride in arousing guys (and girls alike) but I wasn't interested.

'Trust me. I know how fangirls think. If they think we're doing something, they'll lose control. They won't be able to resist. It's like in their blood or something. Those girls will have a field day. They'll open that fucking door so fast it'll break the sound barrier. If they were crazy enough to kidnap us, imagine if they thought we were in the act. Plus it's not like we're actually going to have to do anything, just noises; no penetration, clothe-shedding, nada." I thought about this for a second. I had been trying to get out for hours and to no avail. It might just be my only option. _You'll just have to do this Ron. Besides no one will ever have to know about it right? _

"Alright, the sooner we get out of here the better. But you're the bitch."

"Hell no. You're the bitch. In all my life I've never bottomed in a relationship and I'll be damned if I start now."

"Well actually we wouldn't be in a relationship so it wouldn't count against you. It was your idea. You're the bitch."

"But I'm Damon fucking Salvatore."

"So? What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's everything."

"Everything? I doubt that. Rock, paper, scissors?"

"Not likely. How about neither one of us is the bitch?" I nodded. _Fred and George better never hear about this. I could only imagine the ways they'd tease me. I could never show my face in public again. _

"Oh Damon you suck dick so good."

"Hold still while I come on your face."

"Oh Merlin! It's not working."

"We have to be louder. OH RON YOU HAVE SUCH A SEXY BODY!"

"YEAH, YOU KNOW YOU WANT THIS!"

"OH HELL YA! GET YOUR SEXY PIECE OF MEAT OVER HERE."

"KISS ME YOU FOOL!"

"OH RON…YES, JUST LIKE…THAT!"

"MMM…DAMON! THAT FEELS SO GOOD! DON'T STOP!"

"HOLD STILL, I WANNA TRY SOMETHING ELSE. DON'T MOVE. OH FUCK!"

"BLOODY HELL DAMON! BITE ME!" The door swung open.

"Ding, ding, ding." Success.

I didn't even have time to blink before Damon had those girls pinned to the wall. There were two of them, but neither one was frying pan girl. There was a short one and a tall one and the short one had my wand.

"Accio wand! Damn it!" I never was very good at wandless magic.

"Just fucking grab it you idiot." _Right._ I had to pry it out of the short one's death grip. She was a tough little thing.

"Alright, I think we can let them go now."

"What?" Damon looked at me like I was insane.

"Just trust me.' He still looked at me like I was crazy, but he let them go.

"Stupify!" I hit both of them with the one spell. They were out like a light.

'Nice work. For a minuet there I thought you'd gone all noble."

"Who me? Never."

"Hey what's going on in here?" Oh no, frying pan girl. I assumed the other one was vervain chick. "Amanda! Giovana! What did you do to them! You killed them!"

"Oh calm down. They're only stunned."

"What I would like to know is how in the hell you two know who we are." Damon looked ready to kill them.

"We're fangirls."

"You're crazy."

"Your point?"

"It doesn't matter, we're outta here. Would you like to do the honors?"

I nodded.

"Stupify! Stupify!" I hit frying pan girl, but vervain chick dodged. She tried to escape, but was no match for Damon's speed. He caught her and knocked her unconscious."

"Well that was fun. Shall we?"

"We shall. I don't know about you, but once we're good and outta here, I plan on filing one hell of a restraining order."

"These chicks are crazy. I highly doubt a piece of paper is gonna make a difference if they decide to come after us again."

"Paper won't but magic will. A wizard restraining order makes a person physically unable to close to someone. If one of them comes within two blocks of us, the little bitch would be knocked 50 feet in the other direction."

"You know, you wizards might not be so bad after all. Keyword: might."

We wasted no time getting ourselves out of that warehouse and back into the fresh air. Freedom at last. I couldn't wait to go and get some food. After all, I never did get to finish my lunch.

**A/N: So yup that's the end. It was a lot of fun to write. It was my first successful collaboration and I would like to say that I don't think I could've picked a better person to write it with. Thanks Vervain Chick. **


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